What’s the Big Deal About Love?

July 12, 2004

It seems like I’ve been bombarded with “love” today. Ok… I guess I hear about it everyday from someone. But today seems like an extra-lovey day for some reason. So I propose this question:

What’s the big deal?

I’m going to tackle this question with a simple approach. I figure that’s the best way to look at it, lest I ramble on and delve into way-too-serious ideas. I like simple. I’ll pit “love” against “friendship” in a classic fight scenario … and hopefully end up showing that one doesn’t need “love” as long as they have “friendship”.

ROUND ONE: Companionship

Both options presented give you basic companionship: that is, you’ve got someone to spend time with. I suppose the more difficult task here to determine if one gives you MORE than the other. When I look at myself, I find that I’ve known most of my friends for years. And years. My newest friend having been in my life for over two years… my oldest friends having been my life for over a decade. These people know me in and out and I know them in and out. While most of my friends are far away, that doesn’t stop us from calling one another just to tell the other one about something funny that happened during the day. Does this count as companionship? Oh yeah… it does. Now “love” offers a similar companionship. While it lasts. And how often does “love” last these days? My parents generation knew something about love… many of them have been happily married for decades. But my generation lost something. Most notably, the ability… or patience… to weather out storms and rough rides in the name of “love”. Look how many marriages fail these days? Look how many non-married couples stay together, sometimes for years, just to end things as soon as someone better comes along? (Ever notice that? Many long-term relationships don’t end until one person find someone else). So while “love” offers companionship, it is more-often-than-not short-lived. As far as *most* relationships go. There are, of course, exceptions. So it seems to me like friendship is a much better solution for long-term companionship.
Winner round one: Friendship

ROUND TWO: Intimacy

Just to get it out of the way, “love” obviously offers a greater degree of physical intimacy than friendship. We’re talking sex here. And while I’m no basher of sex, the trick to understanding intimacy rests in ones ability to separate sex from true intimacy. Sex is physical… intimacy is something more… something internal… something mental perhaps. And maybe you feel intimacy in non-physical terms when you’re writhing in the sheets with someone. But is it REAL intimacy? More often than not, no. Here’s my proof. When there’s something wrong with your relationship, who do you talk to? Your partner? No. You talk to your friends about it. You complain and bitch and moan to your friends about whatever is wrong. Instead of talking to the person who can actually change a problem, you talk to the people you feel more comfortable with… the people who you feel closer to… the people you feel more yourself with. How many things do you tell your friends that you could NEVER tell your lover? Guess what? THAT’S intimacy. That’s real intimacy.
Winner round two: Friendship

ROUND THREE: Sex

Ok. I had to put this in. Yeah… it’s simple… unless you’re REALLY good friends with a mutual understanding of what’s what… “love” offers more opportunities for sex. Of course, you can get sex without either “love” or friendship. But of the two, “love” offers more opportunities for sex. Of course, while many people profess it, most don’t actually believe that sex isn’t everything. What’s more valuable, long-term wise: 2 months of sex… or 10 years of companionship and intimacy? Think with the right organ, ya’ll.
Winner round three: Love

ROUND FOUR: Emotional Well-Being

Which of the two creates more fucked-up feelings? “Love” or friendship? That’s right… “love”. Not only when it ends, although that can be one of the greatest sorrows a person can go through. But also on a lesser level. A scenario: you get into a fight with someone over a lie they told you. Who is it going to hurt you more coming from? A friend? Or a lover? Yeah… a lover. You and a friend will fight… and get over it. You and a lover will fight… and hopefully get over it. But who will you hold more resentment towards for lying? So as you can hopefully see, it is much easier to get fucked in the head by a lover than by a friend. We expect our friends to be human and have faults. But we expect our lovers to be perfect… and to treat us perfectly. If a friend pisses you off, it’s easier to forgive and forget because they’re allowed to be flawed. Lovers aren’t.
Winner round four: Friendship

FINAL WINNER: Friendship

So I ask again… tell me… REALLY… what’s the big deal? Is it worth it? Romantics will say “yes”. Realists, like myself, will scream “hell no” at the top of their lungs.

Posted in Human Nature, Noteworthy, Relationships

Related Posts

• WordPress Discovery & Stats Update
• I Love You Today. I Hate You Tomorrow.
• What’s your excuse?
• Maybe It’s Karma
• I Love You, Me