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When things get quiet around the workplace, conversations usually crop up that otherwise would not really be work-related. Today that conversation was the so-called “Cheating Loophole”. Apparently, this loophole applies to couples in a committed relationship and is aptly called a loophole because it allows the members of the relationship to designate one person with whom they would be allowed to cheat with, should the opportunity to do so arise. It’s an interesting idea and one that I’m sure has gone by many names to many different people. According to the loophole, each person in the relationship has to make their choice known to the other and, if followed exactly, leaves no room for grudges, breakups, or other retaliation should the cheating ever occur.

Once the question had made the rounds, people started stopping in all throughout the day to let us know who their loophole person would be. Most of the participants had a hard time narrowing their options down to just one. While this tells me one thing about human nature and relationships, the final choices told me something else.

People are obsessed with TV/movie personalities.

Every single answer (and I do mean every one) was a famous person from the big or little screen. I didn’t know who some of them were, but I was told they were from this movie or that TV show (apparently I’m a big ol’ celebrity idiot). There were some repeated names also. If this is any indication, these actors/actresses could stay quite busy fulfilling everyone else’s cheating loopholes. I can’t say I was surprised at the answers people were giving. It’s to be expected. But when I really stopped to think about it I started to wonder if everyone wasn’t thinking, or if they were just plain stupid.

Think about it logically. There is no magical genie here to actually bring your loophole person to you. There’s no list of celebrity phone numbers available for you to ring them up. Chances are, you will never meet the loophole person you’ve just named. Unless you happen to have a six degrees of Kevin Bacon friend, you’ll probably never see this person in real life, let alone get close enough to them to fulfill your loophole choice.

Why not pick someone you may actually meet? Like the person behind the counter at the bank? Or the mailtruck driver? Maybe that neighbor that goes jogging by the house every morning at 6 am sharp? That gives you a chance. You might *actually* find yourself in striking distance of bringing the loophole to life with a choice that’s more close to home. Maybe that defeats the purpose of the loophole: it allows you the *dream* of cheating… without the real opportunity to actually do it. Perhaps that’s why couples are so accepting of having such a loophole. They know that neither of them will ever be able to act it out, and that makes it safe. It’s like telling your friends that they’ll each get a million dollars when you win the lottery… or telling that annoying person at work that you’d go out with them if they were last person on earth. I mean… what are the chances?

But here’s the real issue…

So your neighbor has never been in a movie… or on TV. The person at the bank has never said “and the winner is…” on national television. They might not have ever been ushered into the VIP room in a crowded club and been waited on hand and foot. They drive themselves to work and grocery shop alone. They actually pay for their clothes, brush their own hair, and wipe their own butt. Guess what? Brad and Jennifer both poop. Gwyneth gets BO when she doesn’t shower in the morning. And when no one is around, Sarah Michelle burps like a drunken frat boy and farts with a snicker.

Other than a stray hair or an un-airbrushable freckle, are they really any different than your favorite entertainer? The only real difference is the TV or the movie screen. Think of someone from the screens that you just can’t get enough of. Now think of someone you saw in real life… at the store… at the gym… walking down the road… that you stopped and double-took. Someone who made you say “whoa… who is that” out loud.

What’s the difference? I can’t explain it.

For every person on television that draws a multi-million dollar salary every year, there are probably 20 people at your local Wal-Mart that could do the same thing. I’m not only talking about appearances here, either. I’m talking about the actual “profession” of acting. Almost anyone can do it. If stage fright and low self-esteem are factored out, almost everyone is an actor just waiting to be found. Seriously. Think about it. You know what it’s like to be scared… amused… angry… to run and jump and drive a car. Couldn’t you do all of those things on a whim? I know I could. So the only thing separating you and I from him and her… is that they were found.

Oh… and I wipe my own butt. Most of the time…