When you think of animals that crap a lot, you think of big animals: horses, cows, rhinos, dinosaurs. Ok… so maybe you’ve never thought about animals and their bowel movements. But I’m asking you to do just that for a moment.
Go ahead… I’ll wait while you make a mental list of shit-filled animals….
Done? Ok… great. Now then… scan your list. All of the animals are either large or your pet (pets seem to crap a lot because we’re very aware of how often they do it… either because we have to take them out or clean it up).
Now then… add one more animal to your list: Reisen-eating, projectile, ubermice. That’s right… I said a mouse. If you’ve been keeping up with my Mouse Hunting Chronicles, you’ll know what all of that means. If not, scroll down.
The mouse shat on my desk today. I was gone for 30 minutes… and the mouse managed to find the time to get on my desk… unload… and disappear before I knew what had hit me.
First of all… how in the hell does he get on the desk anyway? I mean, we know he can jump. But from the floor to the top of a desk? Cats can do that… dogs could probably do it… and maybe a kangaroo. But a mouse? Small children and rabbits (arguably nature’s jumping experts) can’t usually jump that well. Which is what makes me think we’re not dealing with a normal Peromyscus maniculatus here. He either 1) has a cape, 2) is really a small flying squirrel, or 3) has a tiny elevator installed somewhere around my desk that I can’t see. Take your pick… they’re all a little scary.
Besides the fact that he seems to have the ability to take to flight, where does all of this shit come from??? He already shat up a pillow, a corner of the supply closet, and the breakroom table. Now he’s going after desks. Per capita, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything so full of crap. If a human were to number two as often as this mouse does, they’d be 1) very sore and 2) completely hollowed out on the inside.
That’s why I’ve coined a new nickname for our workplace ubermouse: Flying Shitbag.
Anyone seen Flying Shitbag today? No? Just wait… he’ll be coming in for a landing before you can say “it’s a bird… it’s a plane…”
