In the spirit of the first of the month… and rent being due… I thought I’d take a moment to recap the interesting individuals who call this apartment complex home. I think there’s a permanent full moon just over this complex. It’s the only explanation for:
Biggie Opera: he just can’t stop singing. Briefly mentioned here as well: anti-electricity guy, Manboob Molester, and the guy who’s always under his car.
Nerd Cowboy: he was shirtless in the laundry room when I drove by the other day. But he still had his glasses and pocket protector with him. I think I saw a graphing calculator in his pocket, as well. Or maybe he was just happy to see me.
Ghetto Storm Chasers: I haven’t seen them lately because the weather has been pretty decent lately. But one of them installed a “screen door” so she wouldn’t have to actually go outside. But it’s not a real screen door. It’s a screen that she velcros to the outside of her door. Yes… she somehow was able to talk the apartment complex into allowing her to VELCRO a screen to the OUTSIDE of her door. *rolls his eyes*
The Lady Chablis: she’s hiding her candy so well that I’ve only seen her coming and going late at night. Maybe the candy is getting harder to hide during the day? Maybe this is The Lady Chablis’ cousin, Count Chablis? Or maybe… just maybe… she doesn’t actually live here… but is instead, the apartment dweller’s tranny trick?
The Tide Nazi: I’ve just seen him the one time. But my brother did spot him beating a small child with a stick outside of the laundry room the other day while yelling obscenities. This foul-mouthed foreign grandpa takes no prisoners: the kid was a Girl Scout.
No doubt these assorted oddities will all be forking over checks to the apartment complex any day now (rent isn’t due here until the 5th… jealous… aren’t ya). Of course… we can’t forget those who no longer have to worry about such things…
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[...] I’ve also had the pleasure of meeting a few of my neighbors. While I can honestly say that I have yet to see any as colorful as those at my last apartment, I’m not lacking interesting people to observe. [...]
[...] For the sake of argument, lets say I’m honestly ready to embrace my pain and do something about it. Where does one start when it comes to making new friends? Most people meet other people at group-related places and events. School… work… church… the neighborhood. I’m not in school anymore. I just started a new job and so far I have yet to even meet some of the people who work there. I don’t go to church. And well… we know I’ve never been good at meeting the neighbors. [...]