And the Character List Grows
December 19, 2005
It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything about the ever-changing assortment of characters that populate my apartment complex… so I thought I’d give a quick run-down of the who’s and what’s that I share my space with.
First, we have the Big-butt Belgian. How do I know he’s Belgian? Well… it just so happens that he and my brother had a class together in school. How do I know he’s got a big butt? It’s quite obvious when you see him. And how could you not see him? He spends two-thirds of every day standing outside his apartment with his girlfriend/wife/whatever mugging down. Oh yes… they all but conceive children outside of that apartment. What’s worse is that it’s December… aka, cold. While the rest of the apartment complex is inside trying to stay warm, these two are standing outside sucking on each other’s faces. To top it off, he never changes clothes. He always has the same camouflage pants on… which you notice when your eyes make their way down to his grandiose ass.
Living right up above me is the Slammin’ Slut. I call her a slut because there are always new people coming and going from her apartment. And it’s not like I sit around watching who comes and goes. It’s just very obvious when every time I’m leaving or getting home there’s someone new standing outside her door. So I figure she’s either running a drug ring… or she’s a slut. Now the slammin’ part comes into play because the girl is loud. It’s like she throws everything in her apartment around throughout the day. At 2 in the morning I am awakened by the sound of a grand piano falling through the ceiling. I know she’s a shoe-kicker… because I can hear her pound up the stairs… pound into her apartment… and then shortly thereafter, I hear two thumps bounce off the wall and hit the floor. She’s either kicking off her shoes… or she’s got removable breasts. The former is less scary.
Last, but not least, is the Underwear Hulk. He’s a big guy… hence the hulk part. I’m not sure exactly where he lives, but he always seems to be doing laundry at the same time I am. That’s not really all that odd. As with many of the characters I meet from this joint, I usually spot him in the laundry room. What makes him different is the fact that he never seems to be washing anything but underwear. When people are doing laundry right around you glance in their direction to see what they’re doing. It’s hard to keep your eyes from wandering. I’ve never seen him washing or drying anything but his drawers. I opened a dryer the other day to see if it was empty. It wasn’t. It was full of underwear. I jokingly said to myself that it must be his. I’ll be damned if I didn’t see him heading for the laundry room shortly thereafter (my apartment is right down from the laundry room… I see a lot of people heading that way). When I went back to check on mine… I just had to know… so I opened that dryer again. It was empty.
Posted in Characters, Humor
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