What 2005 Meant to the World
January 22, 2006
I was talking to a co-worker today about net related things and the topic of search engines came up. He mentioned that he’d recently checked out one of the many lists of “top searches”. So when I noticed a link on Yahoo to a list of their Top Searches for 2005, I decided to give it a look. I’ve reproduced that list below:
1) Britney Spears
2) 50 Cent
3) Cartoon Network
4) Mariah Carey
5) Green Day
6) Jessica Simpson
7) Paris Hilton
8) Eminem
9) Ciara
10) Lindsay Lohan
Save for one, what do all of these searches have in common? They’re all celebrities of one kind or another. I’ve written about celebrities in the past, so it should come as no surprise that I was deeply disappointed to find out that these are the things that were most searched out on the Internet in 2005.
What’s worse is that, in my humble opinion, none of these people are even remotely interesting. In fact, this list could easily be swapped out as a list of 2005’s Most Boring Celebrities. But since this appears to be what people are interested in, I feel compelled to indulge them. This time.
Here is what I personally find noteworthy about 2005’s most searched for individuals.
Britney Spears
Why was Britney in the news so much in 2005? Is she even still putting out music? Oh yes… that’s right. She got knocked up and gave birth. What could be worse than a musician fabricated by the recording industry? What could be worse than a ridiculous, simple-minded child turned into a busty sex symbol by a bunch of music suits? That would be Frankenspears churning out offspring. The only thing more dangerous to society than her music is her progeny. How is this more newsworthy than the tens of thousands of people killed by the tsunamis that erupted out of the Indian Ocean?
50 Cent
I really don’t know much about 50 Cent other than the fact that he is one of a long list of rappers making hordes of money by singing about drugs, murder, abuse, and their own genitalia. I actually couldn’t name one “song” performed by 50 Cent. But I do know the genre he belongs to. I won’t comment on my personal feelings regarding the whole of the rap world. But I will say that it’s sad when people are obsessed with a performer who belongs to a group that makes millions of dollars spreading the obscene.
Mariah Carey
I don’t know how Mariah Carey is still around. She’s supposedly one of the biggest musical stars in the world. She had a great year professionally. But I can’t find one single fan. No one that I know likes Mariah for anything other than the butt of a joke. I think a lot of her star power comes from her own head. She really thinks she’s something. She takes herself way too seriously. And she is quite possibly one of the most fake people walking the face of the globe.
Green Day
When Green Day first appeared on the scene, I predicted they’d be a short-lived success. Their sound was a little different. They were a little angsty. And they were just what a lot of young folks were looking for at that time. I really don’t understand how they’ve managed to last. They spit on their audiences. Their lyrics sound as if they were written by unhappy 15 year olds. And every song sounds the same. How they out-searched Hurricane Katrina is beyond me.
Jessica Simpson & Paris Hilton
Threatened only by Paris Hilton for the title of dumbest celebrity, Jessica Simpson is an enigma that continues to elude my explanation. In a society that supposedly values intelligence, these two seem to be rewarded for their stupidity. Paris Hilton entertains audiences by popping out “leaked” porn and making fun of a working-class America that most certainly adds more value to society than she does. At least Jessica Simpson can claim to have a decent singing voice.
Eminem
Eminem is one of those people who comes along every now and then making a ripple in the pond to gain fame. A white boy who raps? *GASP* He continues to stay in the media (and therefore the public eye) by saying or doing something “shocking”. He’s entertaining because he looks like a punk and talks like a thug. I’d say it’s a yin-yang thing. But it’s really not. It’s a front that many punks take on. If anything, he can be remembered for his monstrous ego.
I don’t know who Ciara is… so I’m skipping this one.
Lindsay Lohan
Mediocre musical abilities. Mediocre acting abilities (at best). An expanding and contracting stomach. An eating disorder? Oh no! Somehow she’s different than the thousands of other people who expand and contract and eventually become bulimic or anorexic all over the world each year. She’s different because she’s a Teenage Drama Queen. All I really have to say about this one: WHO CARES? And why?
Forget the tsunami. Forget Katrina. Forget the Kashmir earthquake that killed over 100,000. Forget Pope John Paul. Bird flu? What’s that? Terrorist bombings, war in Iraq, and Al Qaeda who? All meaningless events when compared to Lindsay’s stomach, Paris’ stupidity, Britney’s amniotic sac, and Mariah’s stunning turn around. That’s what really mattered in 2005.
To the casual observer, this might seem like nothing more than a bitter rant. However, to the trained eye, it is much more. I’ll leave that for you to figure out.
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May 9th, 2007 at 10:43 pm
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