Medical advances have given us cures for a whole myriad of illnesses, diseases, and conditions that, at one time, were considered incurable. People survive cancer… can be vaccinated against killer bugs… and live for years with AIDS. We can help folks manage non-biological mental conditions. There are even artificial organs and machines that can act in place of the ones that nature gave us all.
Regardless of the advances science continues to place before us, some things will remain out of our hands. We still haven’t figured out how to kill off a virus. We can’t cure cancer or AIDS. We’ll never be able to convince everyone to live preventative lifestyles to avoid the stuff we can’t cure. So even though we can keep people alive much longer than we used to, there are still some things we simply have to deal with.
After work today, I’m adding one more thing to the list of things I’d like to see a cure developed for. And while I know it’ll never happen, I can still dream. I can keep my fingers crossed and maybe even donate time or money to the cause.
Here’s to finding a cure for asshole! Come on asshole cure! Let’s start a fund to find a cure for the common asshole!
I can see the commercial now….
Woman: “Are you feeling alright today?”
Man: “Shut up. Mind your own business you pathetic lump of crap!”-cut to Woman alone-
“I used to think I’d just have to deal with Jim’s asshole. But then I spoke to my doctor and she told me about SpinxTonix.”
-cut to scene of Woman and Man walking hand-in-hand through a park-
Announcer: “SpinxTonix is not for everyone. Do not take SpinxTonix if you are pregnant or breast-feeding or if you may become pregnant. In a clinical study, serious side effects were documented and included dry mouth, dry anus, constipation, diarrhea, headache, vomiting, stomach cramps, death, reanimation, and the craving of human flesh. Tell your doctor if you have liver disease or a weakened immune system due to bone marrow disease or advanced HIV disease. Serious, sometimes fatal, side effects can occur if you take SpinxTonix with liver or immune deficiency diseases. Simple blood tests are needed to test for death/reanimation/flesh consumption possibilities. SpinxTonix… when you just can’t deal with that asshole for one more second…”
Woman smiles at man as she says: “SpinxTonix saved our marriage. And got rid of that annoying asshole before I murdered him in his sleep”
-Man smiles at woman as we cut to a SpinxTonix logo and fine print-
Yeah… I have too much time on my hands. But I still would love to find a cure for asshole. I’ve got just the patient at the hospital for the clinical trial…
