The King of BS Gets a Flash

July 8, 2006

We admitted a rather psychotic female patient tonight who was refusing to cooperate with the admission process. The guy who was trying to talk her into sitting down long enough to answer his questions wasn’t having any luck with her, so I decided to step in.

I was a little more blunt with her. She got in my face several times. She asked me which President I was working for: Carter, Regan, or Bush. I explained to her that I’d be happy to talk politics with her *after* the admission stuff was done. Then she leaned in real close to look at my badge (which I’ve mentioned has the letters BS under my name… in reference to my degree). She must have noticed that… because she looked up at me said, and I quote: “BS, huh? Yeah… I believe that. You must be the King of BS”.

I almost laughed right in her face. But the fun had only begun.

It was determined that she needed a shot to take some of the edge off of her psychotic symptoms. One was ordered and a group of us descended on the room to give it to her. We knew she wouldn’t take it voluntarily… so we went in force. As we suspected, a little intervention was required to get her to lay down on the bed to receive her shot. As soon as she hit the bed, she reached back and threw her hospital gown up and practically over her head.

Her entire ass was showing.

One of the nurses proceeded to give her the injection while the rest of us made sure she wouldn’t go anywhere. The second the needle was out of her behind we released her. I went to pull her gown back down over her exposed cheeks, but she flipped around onto her back before I could. And there she laid for several moments… gown off… fully exposed… full frontal. She got up off of the bed… went past several other staff members… came right up to me and said:

“Well… are you happy? You got to see it all!”

I seriously had to look away to keep from cracking up right in her face, again. Except that when I looked away I found myself staring right at a co-worker who was already cracking up. So I looked in another direction… another laughing co-worker. So I made a hasty exit and let it rip out of earshot.

Maybe you had to be there. But I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. Maybe I shouldn’t laugh about the things sick people do and say. But hell… I’m human. It was funny… so I laugh.

And let me tell you… I did see it all. But I’m not happy about it. Not at all.

Posted in Humor, Series, Work

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