Bugged Over Bugs

October 1, 2006

Because of the way my balcony is positioned, I can see a lot more than the bar across the street. I live on the second floor, but the first floor apartments are “garden style”… which is just fancy for underground. So my balcony isn’t really two stories up. It’s about one and a half. When I’m sitting out there the railings pretty much cover me from the view of the people walking by on the sidewalk below. Most of the time people pass by and don’t even realize I’m out there. I’ve overhead phone calls… seen people pick their nose (or butt)… and had more than one opportunity to scare the hell out of someone standing below me.

I recently heard an interesting exchange between a female and male visitor. I know they were visitors because they had to stand by the door and wait to be let in. And since my balcony is above and to the right of the door, I can hear everything that goes on there, too. I saw these two get out of their car and start down the sidewalk. My super-sonic hearing instantly picked up the conversation… which went a little something like this:

Her: “Hurry… this stuff is heavy” (referring to several bags she was carrying)

Him: “Wait… can I step on this one?” (as he points to something on the sidewalk in front of him)

She moves over to examine whatever it is on the ground

Her: “No… not that one. It’s outside.”

Him: “I’m so confused. You let me step on one like that before.”

Her: “Yes… but it was inside. The rules are different inside. You could step on that other one because it was in the house.”

Him: “So if it’s outside, I can’t step on it regardless of what it is?”

Her: “June Bugs are exempt. You can always step on those. I hate them. But anything else outside has to be left alone.”

By this time they’re at the door waiting…

Him: “So when they’re inside how do I know if I can step on them or not?”

Her: “You’d better just come get me and ask. The system is too complex for me to explain.”

And then they went inside… and I lost them…

She actually said “the system”. Apparently, she has a system in place to determine which bugs can be killed indoors and which can’t. And June Bugs, which she hates, are always fair game. What about their cousin, the Japanese Beetle? The only difference to the casual eye is the shell. Are they always fair game, too? Or is it personal with the June Bugs? Maybe a June Bug killed someone she loves? And what about spiders? Are all spiders to be killed indoors… or just certain ones? And who’s going to get close enough to determine the species?

I’ve known people in the past who felt one way or another about insects. Some were pro… some con. But I’ve never heard of a “system” involving them. It makes me wonder if the bug system is the only one she’s got or if there are more. Maybe she has a bird system. And a snake system. Perhaps she even has a system for people?

The next time I see her coming… I’m going to throw a bunch of bugs down on the sidewalk from my balcony and watch her navigate her way through them. I might even jump down… squash a few bugs… and jump back up before she can stop me. Ya know… just to watch her reaction. Is that going a little far? Haha.

Oh… good question. Where am I going to get a bunch of bugs? Damn! Something always spoils my fun…

Category Posted in Characters, Humor