Hospitals Can Be Gross

October 7, 2006

By the end of this month I’ll have been at the hospital for a year. It doesn’t seem like it’s been that long. I can honestly say it’s been the most interesting year of my life. I’ve seen, heard, and done things that I couldn’t have imagined.

Even though I knew I was going to work in a hospital, I hadn’t really considered the “hospitaly” aspects of what the job would entail. You know… open wounds, injections, and body fluids. At first those things were a bit bracing. But I’ve become accustomed to them for the most part.

Be that as it may, I had a most unpleasant day recently.
It might be best to skip this one if you’ve got a weak stomach.

It started with an extremely psychotic patient pooping in the shower. It was really more than just poop. It was an ass explosion. I’ll spare you the requisite details. Needless to say, we had to send the shower curtain down to environmental services for a professional cleaning.

A few hours later, the lunch cart arrived. Everyone was enjoying the delectable selections sent up from the cafeteria. I noticed the young man walking quickly out of the dining area and out into the hall. I noticed he was steadying himself on the wall. So I got up to see if I could be of any assistance. Before I could make it to him, he’d opened the door to his room and barfed all over the floor. ALL over the floor.

So far I’d dealt with poop and barf. I thought I’d done my fair share of fluid control. But no. It wasn’t over. The Screamer approached me and said, “I just pooped and it came out red like this armband.” She was touching the red allergy band that all patients wear. I guess I didn’t respond in time because she repeated it. “I just pooped and it came out red like this armband. Will you come look at it?”

As odd as it sounds, looking at poop is another of those things that I’ve become accustomed to. That being said… I was NOT prepared for this.

**WARNING: The next part is a tad graphic. Read at your own risk.***

Yes… there was poop in the toilet. But there was also blood EVERYWHERE. Not just a little. Not the type that you’d see from someone with an irritated butthole or even hemorrhoids. Something had bled to death in the toilet. I looked at The Screamer in shock and asked her where it’d come from. “Did that come out of your butt”, I asked. She simply said “no” and continued to look at me.

Then I realized what it was. I asked her if she’d started her period. “I’m not allowed to talk to boys about that kind of stuff, Derick… I’m not allowed to talk to boys about my period.” I assured her that it was ok to talk to me about those things since I was a professional and we were in a hospital. After a couple of moments of deep thought she said that it was, in fact, her period. But she couldn’t just tell me. Since she wasn’t allowed to talk to boys about that stuff, I had to figure it out. I had to go into the bathroom… see it… and figure out.

***Graphic section end. You may resume reading.***

Poop. Barf. Poop. Blood. If only someone would have peed on me. I’d have been able to claim a complete day.

I’m used to psychotic patients. I’m used to nasty scars and open wounds. I’m used to pee. Barf… not a problem. I’m even used to poop and, for the most part, blood.

But all in one day? Come on…

Posted in Series, Work

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