Strangers Less Strange

October 30, 2006

I left work a little later today than I usually do. It’d probably sound better if I said it was because I was busy or performing a life-altering group therapy session. Any excuse other than the truth would likely sound better. No… I wasn’t doing anything psych-related (or even hospital-related for that matter). I was talking. To be more specific, I was talking to a relative stranger. One of the guys from environmental services had come up to change air filters and we ended up chatting for a good forty-five minutes about a remote part of the state that we’re both familiar with.

After spending an hour and a half at the new job doing some research, I ended up at IHOP with my sister. We frequent IHOP several times a month, so this wasn’t really an extraordinary situation. Our waitresses, however, were. They were both extremely nice and we ended up chatting with them off and on while we ate. And while I’m normally polite to folks at restaurants, I very rarely chat them up.

Or… I guess I should say I didn’t used to.

When I gave notice at the hospital last week, my supervisor expressed her desire that I take something from my year of employment. She’d hoped I’d learned something that might benefit me in the future. I believe that everything we do leaves an impression on our personalities so I assured her that her I’d learned a lot while working in the hospital. But tonight it finally hit me.

The thing I’d learned from the hospital wasn’t anything I’d read in a book or any piece of training material. It wasn’t even something I’d file away under the “psych” tab. The thing I realized I was taking with me from the hospital was much more personal. After a year of working with psychiatric patients, I think I’ve finally learned how to talk to strangers.

Last year I wrote about my lack of finesse when it came to talking to the strangers I saw every day. Early this year I touched based on the subject and realized that I still had a way to go before I could really say that I’d made progress in that department.

A year ago I’d have smiled at the guy from environmental services and went about my way. A year ago I’d have been polite to the waitresses at IHOP and tipped them well to show my appreciation (which we still did). I chat with a guy at my new gas station every time I go in there. Last year I didn’t even know the names of the folks at my old gas station.

I knew from day one that communication would be a large part of working with any patients in a hospital setting. I knew I’d be doing groups and talking with people about very personal and very emotional subjects. I knew I’d have to talk irate and irrational patients down during escalations.

But I’m still surprised at the degree to which it’s carried over into my personal life. As I think back over the last few months I can recall numerous instances of uncharacteristic exchanges between myself and the “strangers” I deal with on a day to day basis. I guess it’s only natural that those skills would be honed and transferred. I mean… once you’ve talked a stranger through a flashback of the day she was molested by her brother and her uncle, talking to a guy at the gas station about playing racquetball doesn’t really seem like much of an ordeal.

Still, I see it as personal growth. Last year I wrote this in My Everyday Strangers:

Thousands of potentially good people to know pass my way every year… and I don’t take the time to get to know any of them.

I guess if I can say I’ve learned anything from my stint at the hospital it’s that everyone is worth getting to know. If I’d never spoke up and said something to the guy from environmental services I’d never have learned that he grew up about 20 miles from where my parents live. If I hadn’t been chatty at IHOP and made the waitress feel comfortable, she might not have thrown extra fries on my plate. And if I’d gone about my gas station shopping status quo, I might not have been able to skip the long line at the check out and get run up at the register that was supposed to be closed.

A year ago I would have missed out on all of these small but significant moments. But today I can honestly say I’m glad I didn’t.

Thanks… hospital…

Posted in Human Nature, Personal

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