Surprise! I Have No Friends
December 4, 2006
My apartment is amazingly insulated. It can be 30 degrees outside and it’s still 100 degrees in my apartment… and that’s without the heater ever being turned on. Tonight I opened the window to cool things off and heard a “commotion” in the parking lot of the bar across the street. Being the “observant neighbor” that I am, I snuck out to the balcony to find out what was going on.
False alarm. It was a group of friends making a ruckus on their way to the car. Right behind them was another group of people leaving. And meeting them halfway across the parking lot was yet another group, this one heading inside.
Suddenly the realization of what was happening hit me and I quickly went inside to pout. Continue reading to share in my pain.
The details follow… and they’re set to music. That’s right… music. Haha. As you come to the audio players, hit play. Read on until you come to the next one. Then hit play on the next one. The previous one will automatically stop. And I warn you… The Magnetic Fields are an acquired taste. Just humor me. There’s a surprise in it for you if you play along. Come on… what do you have to lose?
The Magnetic Fields - I Don’t Believe You
Here I was on the balcony watching and waiting for a fight or a brawl to break out. Instead, I watched several groups of friends out having a good time. It was a little bracing. I mean… I’m quite aware of the fact that I have no friends and no social life. That part wasn’t a big surprise. But what hit me was the fact that I had gone from being accepting of my lack of life to being jaded about it. Or bitter. Or something.
Here I was hoping other people were having a bad night or fighting. I didn’t want them to have a good time because I wasn’t. I wanted them to have a bad night and go home alone. Haha. Yeah… I know. I honestly didn’t go out there thinking “oooo… I hope someone else’s night is about to suck as bad as mine”. I just realized while I was standing out there that that was exactly what I was expecting. And when it didn’t happen, I was disappointed.
The Magnetic Fields - I Think I Need A New Heart
So what did I do? I went inside, turned on iTunes, and started listening to The Magnetic Fields. As you can probably tell by now, not the best pick-me-up kind of music. But it’s funny… when people are bummed out or depressed about something, they don’t typically go for pick-me-up music. They don’t normally go turn on the radio and listen to The Sound of Music soundtrack. They go listen to The Magnetic Fields… or Patsy Cline… or some equally depressing music.
Here’s something else that’s funny: I used to do groups at the hospital in which we’d talk about that very thing. I always spent a good chunk of time talking about how untherapeutic it was to crank up the downer music when you were already feeling down. I used to talk about trying to find music or television or movies that would elicit the opposite feelings and not reinforce the negative ones. And here I am ignoring my own advice.
The Magnetic Fields - No One Will Ever Love You
What to do… what to do. I’ve been talking about my friendless, lifeless state for quite a while. Way back in August 2004 I wrote about the only good friend I’ve had in Springfield moving away. In March 2005 I wrote about all of the people I saw and ignored on a daily basis. I’ve gotten a little better about talking to strangers since then, but I’ve still got a ways to go. In September 2005 I wrote about the social life I used to have… and the strange feeling of emptiness I had upon returning to Springfield after spending a week in Texas with my old friends. In December I touched on my unsociableness as a possible cause of my dislike of Springfield.
Obviously, this isn’t a new topic for me. If I was a third-party to the whole thing I’d tell myself to get off my ass and do something about it. If something bothers you that much, make a point to change it. It really isn’t rocket science. That’s what I’d tell a stranger, anyway.
The Magnetic Fields - The Saddest Story Ever Told
But it’s not always easy to follow your own advice. It’s not always easy to follow any advice, period. That’s why “they” always say things are easier said than done. We hear some things over and over again and they still don’t sink in. Sometimes the truth sucks. And even if you do realize that you need to make some changes and do something about an unpleasant situation, it’s not always easy to do. Sometimes it’s easier to sit around and bitch about it. And sometimes a situation forces us to heed the advice we know we should take.
For the sake of argument, lets say I’m honestly ready to embrace my pain and do something about it. Where does one start when it comes to making new friends? Most people meet other people at group-related places and events. School… work… church… the neighborhood. I’m not in school anymore. I just started a new job and so far I have yet to even meet some of the people who work there. I don’t go to church. And well… we know I’ve never been good at meeting the neighbors.
The Magnetic Fields - I Don’t Want to Get Over You
My only social interaction comes in the form of my sister and her friends. Don’t get me wrong. My sister is great and has been my best friend since long before I became a friendless leper. I wouldn’t trade my friendship with her for anyone else. And her friends are usually pretty cool, too. Her and I are a lot alike so the people she chooses to befriend are usually the type of people I’d befriend myself. I’m quite thankful that I have her (and her friends) around. Her company has probably saved me from going completely insane a number of times.
But I miss having other friends, too. I see people coming and going across the street… or around the apartment… or even online at places like MySpace… and I miss it. I guess it basically boils down to loneliness. And that’s what makes this post different than the ones I linked to above. Well… that… and the whole musical post thing. But it’s mostly the fact that I’m finally being honest about how all of this makes me feel. So I realize I basically have two options:
1) Do nothing and continue to slowly grow more jaded and more bitter until I become the old man that all the neighborhood kids are afraid of… or…
2) Do something about it and put myself out there… make some friends… and stop bitching.
I’m still trying to decide which option is best for me. Haha.
Oh… I promised you a surprise, didn’t I? I’d better not forget the surprise.
This post is part of a series on music and the effects it has on our lives. Visit the Music Series page for more related posts.
Posted in Emotions, Humor, Music, Personal
December 5th, 2006 at 6:31 pm
it’s alright, alright, allllllllriiiight. haha
Don’t feel bad…I lack social interaction, too. I have TWO *friends* here, and by that I mean friends that I spend a significant amount of time with. I happen to live with one of them, and I see the other one maybe once a week..
I call you all the time to see if u want to hang out…you should take me up on that offer more often! I don’t have an amazing group of people to introduce you to, but we can make our own little group of friends! lol
December 5th, 2006 at 6:35 pm
Now how many times can you honestly say that I haven’t taken you up on an offer to do something? Not counting the times we play phone tag for days on end, of course. Haha.
But honestly… the main point behind this post was not the sob story that it appears to be. If you’ve seen “the surprise” you know what the point was. I just wanted to use my bad choice to help others think about what they’re going to do the next time they’re planning a sulking session. There’s are better ways to handle pity parties than the tactics most of us employ.
The party is only as pitiful as we make it out to be.
December 5th, 2006 at 9:07 pm
L-O-V-E this post! You are such a good ‘people reader’, you’re bound to make an excellent friend for someone someday…lol.
Seriously, you were on about the music. When I’m feeling sorry for myself or just pissed at life I tend to reach for Stain’d/Break the Cycle…nice and angst ridden. I like to wallow in it for a while and then the next thing comes along and I move on. Problem is, I’m definitely apathetic about doing anything about the problem and so it soon arises again.
I would consider myself fairly anti-social, as well. It’s weird because I’m a people pleaser and love to make people happy…I guess I just haven’t found many people worth my time or effort. HA! But, when I hear people at work talking about their weekends and comings and goings, I always have a tinge of envy; then I snap out of it and remember how I hate crowds of people, especially smoky bars, etc. Besides, I’m really not terrible unsatisfied with my life and lack of friendships. I think I only ‘long’ for it when I see it or hear about it…those people shouldn’t flaunt their excessive friendships! They’re bringing some of us down. :)
BTW…the ‘Magnetic Fields’ stuff isn’t too bad. I’m amazed at the amount of music out there that I have never heard of. If I only had some friends to introduce me to it.
December 6th, 2006 at 6:29 pm
I think people gravitate toward wallowing in their misery with depressing music and things because it makes them feel less alone in their unhappiness. If they’re experiencing an unhappy emotion the last thing they want to hear are songs about people having a great time, loving life, and being happy. But if they can surround themselves with more people going through the same thing, even in song format, it makes their pain feel less isolating. Misery really does love company.
And I’m kind of the same way when it comes to doing the things most folks do when they “socialize”. I’m not a big fan of crowds or busy places. I’d rather be at home all comfy and relaxed. But on the reverse side of the token, when I force myself to go out and do those things that I tell myself I don’t enjoy, I usually have a good time.
Case in point: My sister and her friend were trying to get me to go with them to karaoke at the bar across the street. I resisted like I normally do. But I thought about it and decided there was no way I could possibly know if I’d hate it… because I’d never experienced it. So I changed my mind, went to karaoke, and had a great time. And no… I didn’t sing. Haha.
I know it’s not the solution for everyone and it might not work for you… but I’ve come to realization that I’ll never really know if I could enjoy myself in situations that I assume I’ll hate until I’ve tried them. So I’m trying to force myself to participate in more things like that. My assumptions about what I would and wouldn’t like are all based on my current “routine”. Hanging out in crowds and going to karaoke aren’t part of my routine so I assume I wouldn’t enjoy them. Heck… I’m even going to play company paintball with my new co-workers next week. Talk about outside the realm of my normal behavior! Haha.
But as I’m slowly finding out, breaking up that routine that I’ve clung to for so long isn’t such a bad thing.
December 8th, 2006 at 9:14 pm
Sigh….
Wasn’t surprised…
We all know why you have no friends…
My first thoughts were ” Dude, you own a MAC, of course you have no friends!”
However, being the benevolent father figure just remember this: “You have to be a friend before you can have a friend”
On the other hand, who really cares if you’re friendless? HA!
Seriously, don’t worry, you’re a cool little guy and one day you’ll have a bevy of fine friends!
O.R.
Oh, and the next time you dare contradict RET just play a little Heat Wave by Ronstadt or some CCR music and you’ll feel much better!
December 10th, 2006 at 9:36 pm
Ok… first of all… Macs are sexy and there’s a halo effect that makes their owners sexy, too.
And second of all, I’m a damn good friend :P I just haven’t had the chance to show it lately. Haha.
P.S.: I think Heat Wave would send me into a depression spiral that I’d never get out of.
December 11th, 2006 at 9:06 pm
LOL and wetting the seat! :)
O.R.
December 11th, 2006 at 9:16 pm
Maybe you should invest in some Ditropan XL. I hear it does wonders for overactive bladder.
Of course… it could just be old age, too. LOL!
December 17th, 2006 at 4:19 pm
“Case in point: My sister and her friend were trying to get me to go with them to karaoke at the bar across the street. I resisted like I normally do. But I thought about it and decided there was no way I could possibly know if I’d hate it… because I’d never experienced it.”
You sort of did… We witnessed it over margaritas that night on your balcony. Remember?
That guy’s rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody should have been a sure sign right then and there that Karaoke is a good time, lol.
December 17th, 2006 at 5:38 pm
I do remember that. Haha. It’s a good time from the balcony and from the bar itself.
“Heck… I’m even going to play company paintball with my new co-workers next week. Talk about outside the realm of my normal behavior!”
And yes… that ended up being mad fun, too!
May 21st, 2007 at 12:20 am
[…] experience got me thinking about music and the ways that it influences us. I’ve already touched on the subject. But there are so many ways and so many situations that music can play a part of. So I decided to […]