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Chances are, if you’re human (and I must assume all my readers are) you probably experience a wide range of emotional changes. Sometimes our emotions, feelings, and outlook can change from day to day, moment to moment, or second to second. It’s all part of the human experience.

Most of the time, these changes are perfectly normal. When something good happens, we feel joy. When something bad happens we feel sorrow. When something makes us angry, we get mad. But sometimes our emotions change more drastically. Sometimes we can go through entire periods of our lives in an emotional funk. These drastic changes are more disruptive to our lives and, in some cases, can actually have a negative impact on our entire existence.

Much like the trigger of a gun causes a chain reaction that ultimately ends in the firing of a bullet, so too do emotional triggers cause a chain reaction that ultimately ends in the firing of our emotions. Any good marksman will tell you that a trained, responsive trigger finger can make the difference between a successful fire and an unsuccessful one. The same can be said about our emotional triggers.

If we learn to identify and then ultimately control the triggers that cause us to react emotionally to situations, we can minimize or eliminate drastic changes like rage, depression, mania, or stress-induced agitation/irritation.

You might not have ever stopped to think about it, but there’s almost always something that causes a change in your mood or behavior. Right before you get bummed out… what happens? Does something happen to make you feel ashamed? Or lonely? Does someone do or say something to you? Or is it a self-induced state of depression? What about anger? What really makes you mad? What usually happens right before you get pissed? Or frustrated? Or stressed?

To figure out what sets you off, you have to stop and think about the past. I know I get really frustrated when things out of my control impact me negatively. I don’t like the feeling of not being in control. I don’t like not being able to do something to fix an unpleasant situation. And when one of those situations presents itself, I usually start getting really frustrated. In many instances, that frustration eventually turns in to anger. So I steep… and fume… and take out my anger on those around me… even though they have nothing at all to do with the situation.

When I worked at the hospital I’d talk to patients that were quite aware of their triggers. One lady told me that dealing with her mother always set her off. Her mom would chastise and ridicule her until she spiraled into a depression that was sever enough to warrant hospitalization. Another told me that her husband did something similar. She spent several weeks with us at the hospital and by the time she was discharged she’d begun the process of getting a divorce.

Now to clarify a little here, we’re not talking about putting the blame on others. I know that it’s the way I deal with frustration that eventually leads to anger. I know that the situation itself isn’t the cause, but instead, my reaction to the situation. The women I mentioned a minute ago can’t blame their mothers or husbands for their depression. The way they deal with and react to those other people are the cause of their feelings.

But changing the way you deal with things is a longer, more difficult process. It can take years to modify thought processes and behavior. And that modification should certainly be a long-term goal. You can’t spend your entire life avoiding situations and people that might cause you to have a dramatic emotional change. Ultimately, the change has to come from within. It’s a long process and it’s a hard process. But it is possible.

If you’re a recovering alcoholic, is it really a good idea to keep alcohol around? Should you just leave the booze in the house as a temptation and try to deal with it? No. You should remove the alcohol until you are in control enough to be around it without the chance for relapse. Once you’ve made real progress and changed your entire attitude and belief system about alcohol… and not before… you can be around the temptation.

So if you’re recovering from depression… or rage… or stress… why should it be any different? Alcohol is the alcoholics trigger. Remove the trigger and it becomes easier to beat the alcoholism. If your mother… or your husband… or your job… or whatever is your trigger, it becomes easier to beat the tendency to react unfavorably if you remove the trigger.

If talking to your mother depresses you, don’t talk to her. If your husband or wife makes you feel like crap, don’t talk to your husband or your wife. Whatever your trigger is, remove it. For some it’s not another person at all. Some people react to the environment… crowded places… the seasons… music… whatever. Only you can know for sure what your triggers are.

At the same time, you should identify positive triggers. These are things that make you happy or relaxed or calm. When I get frustrated and angry I know that a good nap will usually help me calm down. Sometimes I go for a drive with the windows down and music blasting (when it’s not 9 degrees outside). Other times I write. Some people clean… some exercise… and some do artistic things. Again, you know better than anyone what these things are.

So what do you do once you’ve got it all figured out? It’s easily said… but much harder done. If you can avoid the people, situations, or events that cause you to get depressed or angry, do so. But more times than not, avoidance isn’t always easy. Sometimes we have to deal with people, situations, and events that we’d rather not. So instead of avoiding them, embrace them with the help of those positive triggers.

At the hospital we called them “coping skills”. But you can call them whatever you want. When you find yourself in a situation that has the potential to make you react in an unpleasant way, counteract those feelings and emotions with a positive trigger or two. Before you get mad and take it out on others, take a nap… or go for a drive. Before you get depressed and spend days or weeks sulking, go for a walk… take a trip… call a friend… whatever.

Have a look at a previous post I wrote on dealing with emotions, too. If you look at your feelings from that perspective you see that they’re completely under our control. Coping skills or positive triggers can help. But ultimately we have to change the way we deal with situations to make a lasting change.

In a couple of weeks I hope to have a first-hand story to share with you. I’ve got an interview lined up with someone who’s recently had a lot of success managing his mood swings… and he was primarily able to get that control because he identified what triggered downward swings, what triggered upward swings, and has started mastering the management of the two. Look for that one-on-one in a couple of weeks.

In the meantime, invest a little time looking at your own behaviors. Invest a little time figuring out what triggers your downward swings. Invest a little time figuring out what triggers your upward swings. And start working on a management plan of your own.

And as always, if you have any questions or need a little more guidance feel free to contact me. My inbox is always open.