This I Know. This I Must Learn.
April 4, 2007
Yesterday was the first day that my tooth (and by extension my entire face) really felt much better. Coincidently, yesterday was also the day a couple of friends and I decided to get together at a local “wine bar”. I’m not a fan of wine. But I do like this place - especially the outside patio area that we always tend to sit in.
Some guys at the next table were making a night of it. What started as random small talk across tables ended up as a merging of groups. Myself, my two friends, and four strangers eventually merged tables, food, and wine. They not only joined us at our table, but also ended up talking with us for hours. We closed the place down. If you know how I usually deal with strangers… you’ll understand why it was an odd experience for me. Surprisingly pleasant. But odd.
The conversation ranged from wine… to food… music… sex… work… school… and everything in between. At one point in the evening, one of our new acquaintances began to talk about his ex and the pseudo relationship they continue to have. Apparently she’s very on and off with him… calling him one day and “shelving” him the next.
The people who’d known him for a long time tried to talk some sense into him. The people he’d just met tried to talk some sense into him. But he continued to rationalize and make excuses for his inability to turn this girl loose.
In Sometimes the Truth Sucks, I had this to say:
But my eyes might still open. And once they’re open, I have to deal with what I see. It may be the scariest thing I’ve ever seen. It may be the last thing I ever thought I’d see. My eyes can play tricks on me. They can make me see things that aren’t there. But they can also show me things I don’t necessarily want to see. That doesn’t mean I can ignore them.
I just have to find the balls to ignore what I want to see… and see what I need to. And then I have to deal with that.
But here’s the thing. Sometimes we have to learn these things on our own. Sometimes we have to come to the truth in our time. Sometimes we have to suffer through unpleasant experiences to come to the realization that is the truth.
It doesn’t matter if friends or strangers tell us something. It doesn’t matter if they already know what we don’t. And it doesn’t matter what the person next to us has already experienced. Their help can just as easily go unwarranted as it can be followed. We can learn from the experience of others… but not always.
Sometimes you have to let people figure things out on their own. This is especially true when feelings and relationships are involved. It may be painful to watch friends and loved ones go through something. It may be hard to resist the urge to beat them over the head until they “get it”.
But chances are… they won’t. Not until they’re ready.
Just keep that in mind the next time one of your friends seems to be “ignoring” your advice. Keep that in mind the next time you feel like writing someone off because of their inability to move on, get over it, or otherwise come to terms with a situation you might see right through.
This you may know. But this they may have to learn.
Posted in Advice, Human Nature, Relationships
- Lesson Learned
- Forced Winds of Change
- I Love You, Me: Boosting Self Esteem
- The Self Esteem Setup
- It’s Alive… IT’S ALIVE!
April 8th, 2007 at 10:50 pm
“What’s worse, new wounds which are so horribly painful or old wounds that should’ve healed years ago and never did? Maybe our old wounds teach us something. They remind us where we’ve been and what we’ve overcome. They teach us lessons about what to avoid in the future. That’s what we like to think. But that’s not the way it is, is it? Some things we just have to learn over and over and over again.”
Grey’s Anatomy Quote…but it felt appropriate :)
April 10th, 2007 at 8:49 pm
Haha. You’re right. Quite appropriate. They must be reading RMA… :P