Who Are You Really Living For?

April 22, 2007

I’m reading what probably counts as the literary equivalent of a chick flick. It’s kind of a he-said she-said with alternating chapters from the perspectives of the two main characters as they meet, become friends, and - I’m guessing - fall in love.

Yeah… I just threw up in my mouth a little, too.

That being said, it’s freaking hilarious. Seriously… I hope they make this into a movie because it has potential. But I’m rambling. The reason I mention the book is because something in it got me thinking about life. In response to being told that “life’s too short”, one of the characters says “No it’s not. Life is the longest thing you’ll ever do.” It’s not really a dramatic part in the book. And they don’t spend any time rolling that thought around.

But I did. And, as I usually do, took it off in an entirely different direction.

I get “life’s too short”. I know that our next moment is never guaranteed. I know that waking up in the morning, going to sleep, walking across the street, or eating a grape may be the last thing we ever do. We’re supposed to relish every moment and take nothing for granted because bam… just like that… it could be over.

I also get “life’s the longest thing you’ll ever do”. Looked at in its entirety, life is the one thing we literally do every second of every day until we die. I once heard someone say “life is in the details”. So this thing called life - that is the longest thing we ever do - is waking up in the morning, going to sleep at night, walking across the street, and eating a grape… all of which might kill us. It’s saying hi to a stranger, love & hate, stepping on slugs, fighting and making up with friends, and watching Olympic figure skating. All of these things - and everything in between - make up the longest thing we ever do.

Biologically speaking, life begins before conception. But as far as we’re each personally concerned, life begins around age 3 or 4. Right? I mean… I don’t remember much before then. And I really don’t remember much between then and say… first grade? During this time our life is whatever our parents or caregivers make of it. We do what they say, when they say it, and suffer the consequences if we don’t.

Then we move into the school days. Elementary school… middle school… high school. We start to experience more freedoms. We start to learn our own lessons. We start to make some choices, figure out who we are, and begin taking the steps that will eventually lead us into adulthood.

But we’re still “living” for others. We’re still, usually, under our parent’s roof. Although we begin to expand in our “extra curricular activities”, our lives pretty much revolve around school. We study… we learn (hopefully)… and we spend 40 hours a week in a classroom.

A lot of us move on to college. More freedoms. More learning, not only in class but also about life, ourselves, and the real world. Some of us move out of our parent’s house for the first time and begin to experience true adulthood. But we’ve always got the safety net. And between the freedoms and partying and coffee shops our lives are still revolving around school.

Eventually school ends and we move into the real world. We’re “on our own” now. We’re supposed to find a career, start families, raise children, go to soccer practice, keep working, buy a house, put away for retirement, keep working… etc, etc. And while we do all of this, our lives are revolving around work. To be able to support a family and raise children and buy a house we have to have money. And unless Paris Hilton is reading this, that means we have to work.

At the young age of 55 or 60 or 65 we “can” retire. If we did a good job of putting away for retirement we can finally start doing whatever we want. But a lot of people don’t do a good job of that. So instead, they continue to have to work. Or they live off of measly Social Security checks. And although this is the first time in their entire existence that they can really do whatever the hell they want to do… they can’t. They’re either too broke or too old to really do much.

To recap:

• Birth - 4: doesn’t count
• 4 - 18: dedicated to school
• 18 - 2X: dedicated to school
• 2X - 5X/6X: dedicated to work
• 6X - death: dedicated to surviving

Sure… there are exceptions. Some people don’t finish school. Some don’t go to college. Some plan for retirement. Some don’t start families. Some don’t have careers. Some are financially independent from birth. But it doesn’t matter. Because when you skip one of the steps, it just moves you into the next one that much quicker.

So tell me. When are we supposed to live this life? Is it really in “the details”? Is it work? Is it family? What about the people who don’t have a family? What about the people who, like most, hate their job?

Is this what God or Nature or Allah or whatever intended for us? Is this a self-created reality born from a society that’s become too complicated and dependent on its own systems? Am I supposed to take solace in the fact that I spend a vast majority of my time sitting on my balcony watching cars drive by? Or in an occasional drink with friends? Should I be doing more? Is this enough? Should I dedicate myself to a career that ultimately helps someone else more than it does me?

If life is what we make of it, why are so many of the things we do simply reactions to society? Why do we spend so much of our lives doing what we’re expected to do or told to do or asked to do or forced to do? And don’t tell me “no one forces you to do anything”… because, while technically true, it doesn’t apply to what I’m talking about. Sure… I don’t have to go to work or pay my bills or drive the speed limit. But if I don’t, I end up homeless, broke, and in jail. And for most people… that’s not the best way to spend your life.

And before you say anything, no… I’m not having a pity party. I’m not bummed or brooding or any of those. I’m not wishing I’d done more or wishing I could do more. I don’t want to quit my job and become a gypsy and spend my days doing absolutely nothing. I’m not trying to figure out the meaning of life. I’m not bitching because I’m lonely or bored or any of the other things that would drive a person to talk like this.

I’m simply curious.

What do you think about all of this? Other than “damn… Phillips has really lost it now”… haha. Before you answer, I want you to stop and think for a moment. Stop and think really hard about how you spend your time… what you do… who you do it for… what you’ve already done… what you want to do… how you’ll get there… who you are… all of it. Honestly stop and take the time to contemplate for a while.

It’s all in your head so you can be brutally honest with yourself. Are you happy with your life? Do you think you’d be happier without your job or your family or school or whatever else you’re tied to? If you had it all to do over again, would you change any of it? None of it? All of it?

Then - and only then - let me know what you think. Publicly in the comments. Privately, if you’d prefer (and you can ignore all of that stuff on the contact page about posting email… this is between you and me and no one else… Scout’s honor). If you’d rather send a direct email you can use the contact form to let me know and I’ll hit you back with my email address (I’m trying to avoid spam here, in case you couldn’t tell). I’d honestly love to get some feedback and hear what you have to say. Anyone. Everyone. It’s share-time, baby!

See? I told you it’s never good when I get stuck inside my own head. Haha.

Posted in Human Nature, Noteworthy, Society

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