I Guess This Means “It’s On”?
May 12, 2007
I don’t understand exactly how the rules of engagement work these days. Apparently… when that crazy dove landed on the balcony, I was “served”. When I screamed and scared him away, I “served” him back. And I guess that now means “it’s on”.
The kamikaze red bird from a couple of days ago was just the beginning, I fear.
I’ve had to resort to putting wire mesh screening around my balcony as well as long strips of sticky, double-sided tape on the ledges. Why? To capture, detain, and interrogate all species of bird in the Springfield metro area. I put out bird seed… ya know… as a lure. When they land to eat the seed, their feet get stuck and I come out in full haz-mat attire to obtain them.
I’ve got a little chair that I restrain them in. It sits under an ominous, bright lamp that I can pull down in their face all detective style. None of them ever talk. They just squawk on and on and on. So inevitably the same thing happens to them.
I put them in a pet carrier and ship them off to another part of the country.
I don’t tell any of them where they’re being sent and I don’t send any two to the same place. If I did, they’d be able to regroup too easily. No… they must be kept separated. I feel like I’m getting close to the leader, too. Each one that I capture and detain seems to have a little more squawking to do than the last one.
It’s only a matter of time…
Posted in
May 12th, 2007 at 9:48 pm
Hmmm…I don’t like the sound of this plan…So you think you can catch me, huh? Hahaha!!!
from Big Bird (from Sesame Street)
May 13th, 2007 at 12:59 pm
Since you’ve gone full Rambo style on these birds, I feel the need to tell you what I saw a few days ago. I didn’t want to alarm you before, but since it’s apparently “on” now … there was a group of three sparrows pecking about outside your car the other day. They could have been just pecking for food scraps … or they could have been installing an ignition detonator.
Either way, watch your six!
May 13th, 2007 at 8:42 pm
After the drive home today - with birds swooping in and out for 3 hours - it’s so on those stupid fowl don’t even know it yet.
And I’ve expanded the battlefield. All the birds in Missouri better watch it.
May 13th, 2007 at 8:50 pm
I previously thought you were being a little paranoid, and acting in an unnecessarily aggressive manner toward the birds.
Until I saw what I saw today.
You’re right. It’s on.
And I’m putting my money on the birds!
May 13th, 2007 at 10:15 pm
Thanks. Thanks for the vote of confidence :(
May 14th, 2007 at 12:15 pm
lmao…this is great.
May 14th, 2007 at 8:10 pm
Hmmm…didn’t they say that when animals (or birds in this case) start to act weird or violent, or that there is a sudden abundant of them, that it’s a sign that something bad will happen…either it’s war or some natural disaster?
May 15th, 2007 at 6:36 am
I’ve heard that before, too! I wonder what the birds know that we don’t? I’ll have to start asking them about this too. I’ll let ya’ll know if I get anything out of them!
May 17th, 2007 at 6:20 am
It’s all fun and games until MY brings in the apocalypse! :)
May 17th, 2007 at 6:44 am
I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it’s just a coincidence :P
May 19th, 2007 at 5:49 pm
Oops, Mandy. Didn’t mean to ruin the fun. Yes, I’m a person with many negative thoughts. I should start absorbing the happy thoughts from you guys! :)
May 19th, 2007 at 11:03 pm
Haha! You weren’t being serious about the natural disaster thing anyway, right? I mean… I’ve heard that before. But you were joking about it applying to my war on the bird population, right?
Right?? *worried look*