Fake It Until You Make It?
May 15, 2007
In a conversation over lunch today, I threw out the idea of “fake it until you make it”. In particular, I was talking about advice we used to give patients at the hospital when they were going through a hard time.
Several people questioned whether or not that was really the best advice to give people… especially psychiatric patients. So I thought I’d explain it in a little detail here. Ya know… in case any of you were curious as well.
So why is telling people who are going through a hard time to “fake it” until they “make it” good advice? There are a couple of reasons why this works:
The Power of Positive Thinking
Even if you’re suffering, depressed, or otherwise not at the top of your game, a little positive thinking can go a long way… even if it’s forced. And remember… mind over matter is a powerful tool as well. If you tell yourself that you’re doing better - even if you’re not feeling it just yet - you can spark some real change.
Here’s an example:
Let’s say you’re depressed. You normally love going for walks… but you just haven’t felt like it lately. You know a walk would do you some good. But instead of going for one, you stay inside and wallow in your depression. How much change is that going to prompt in your condition? Little… if any.
Now let’s say you’re following the “fake it ’till you make it” approach. You’re still feeling depressed. You know a walk would do you some good. And since you’re “faking” feeling better, you decide to go. You might have to force yourself to do it (you’re faking it, after all). But once you get yourself out of the house and engaged in the things that you used to enjoy, you might actually start to feel better.
The things that we enjoy doing don’t change because our mood changes. The only thing that changes is our motivation to do those things.
The Environmental Factor
While I’d never say that our environment is the sole determining factor of the way we feel, you can’t argue that it doesn’t have an influence. The way others treat us… the way they react to us… our disposition on the rest of the world. All of these things can have an impact on whether we get over whatever it is we’re dealing with.
You know how your friends and family are when they know you’re bummed or stressed or angry. Most of the time they’re just acting in a way that they think will be helpful (or they don’t really know how to act). But the way they treat you can actually hold your recovery back. It can be a constant reminder that something is wrong and, thus, prevent you from being able to move on.
But the opposite is also true. If you’re faking it until you make it, people will begin to start treating you differently. They’ll go back to talking, responding, and dealing with you the way they did before things changed for you. And sometimes that can make a big difference. When things seem like they’re more normal in the world around you, the world inside of you falls into line more quickly.
So yes… advising people to “fake it” until they “make it” is often beneficial. But, of course, simply telling them it helps is different than convincing them to give it a try. And it doesn’t work for every person. That’s one of the wacky things about the human mind - no two work the same way.
Posted in Advice, Human Nature
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May 16th, 2007 at 6:32 am
i really believe in positive thinking!! the mind is stronger than the body…or at least i want to believe so!! :)
May 16th, 2007 at 7:20 am
I think you’re right about that! And that’s part of the awesome power of the mind: if you believe that it (the mind) is stronger than the body then it probably will be. The power of positive thinking is all about whether or not you think it’s going to help.
If you think positive thinking is a waste of time… it probably will be. If we can set ourselves up with negative thinking, why can’t the opposite also be true?
May 16th, 2007 at 11:02 am
Good Advice, D! I often “fake it” until I “make it” as well. I mean, hell, I didn’t like you at first, but I pretended like I did…and now look what happened! You became one of my favorite people! :)
hehe j/k!
May 16th, 2007 at 4:59 pm
Hardy har har. Don’t lie. You liked me from day one. My stunning personality has that effect on people.
May 19th, 2007 at 5:32 pm
Hey, I like your new layout! Nice cool, calm colors. Actually I prefer reading from this grayish background over white backgrounds. Much easier on the eyes!
How is this different from being in the state of denial?
May 19th, 2007 at 11:01 pm
The main difference between “fake it till you make it” and denial is that one is conscious and the other isn’t. When someone is in denial they’re usually not actively choosing to be in that state. Also, denial usually applies to external factors in the world around us. “Fake it till you make it” is a conscious decision and it’s not really the denial of reality. It’s an internal state of mind that’s attempting to alter internal feelings, emotions, etc. It doesn’t apply to the external forces that denial usually does.
Did that make any sense at all?
And thanks for the comments on the layout. The other one was a little too “in your face” for me.
May 21st, 2007 at 12:56 am
[…] and for those that think I was making up the “fake it till you make it” thing, The All-American Rejects have a song that pretty much says the same […]
January 3rd, 2008 at 10:14 am
In my opinion, “Fake it till you make it” is bad advice, because you are telling your patients to LIE about they feel, you are undermining the truth about their feelings, and some of the smarter one’s will recognize that you are not being genuinely concerned with what is going on in their lives! Instead of asking “What’s wrong, and what can I do to help?” You give them such a superficial sentiment, and many patients become more distressed by the obvious insensitivity. It is much better to recognize the reality of our feelings, work through those issues and work toward solving the dilemnas that cause those tough issues to surface. In my own life, I have felt worse when I tried to fake it till I made it, and much better when I actually worked through my issues and feelings and did not deny them. And I’ve felt a whole lot better when people were genuinely concerned with helping me actually make it in reality, by becoming a friend. There is no rule of life that says that you can’t be a friend of your patients and genuinely concerned with their well-being.
January 3rd, 2008 at 1:46 pm
“Fake it till you make it” isn’t about superficial sentiment or glossing over a person’s feelings. It’s primarily a way to help people continuing doing the things they enjoy doing even when they’re feeling bad. As I said above, if you’re depressed and “faking it”, you’re still going to be depressed. But one of the first things that people do when they’re going through a tough time is stop partaking in activities they once enjoyed. That further compounds an already bad situation. Faking it has less to do with pretending to feel a certain way and more to do with helping people maintain their lifestyles, hence me saying:
“The things that we enjoy doing don’t change because our mood changes. The only thing that changes is our motivation to do those things.”
I would never suggest that someone should deny their feelings. Faking it can help some people remember the way they used to feel and can help them move back in that direction.
But you also can’t rely on other people to help you through a difficult time. It’s nice when those around us show genuine concern and try to help. But the reality of the situation is that outside of the hospital, in “the real world”, most people won’t do that. They’ll avoid a person who’s feeling down or offer some of that superficial sentiment that you mentioned. In my experience, more often than not a person’s external support system turns to garbage when they go through rough times. So we’ve still got to be able to work through our issues and survive on our own without help from others. By continuing to do what we enjoy doing - whether we feel like doing them at the time or not - it’s possible to start rekindling some of the positive feelings that those activities bring us… without external help.
Ultimately, like I said above, it doesn’t work for everyone. It’s simply one of a number of coping methods that people can use to help regain their footing when times are tough. If it doesn’t work for you it’s good that you recognize it doesn’t. There’s no point wasting your time faking it if you’re not getting anything out of it. But it can work for some people and that’s why I offer it as an option. It really doesn’t have anything to do with the way I view a patient or my concern for them. It’s a coping method for them to use outside of the hospital.