How Do I Know Where Your Hand Has Been?

August 3, 2007

In a poem called “Ode on a Distant Prospect of Eton College”, Thomas Gray coined a phrase that many have used since: ignorance is bliss. No… I’ve never read the poem. I just Yahoo!’d the phrase. I’ve said it enough and thought it even more. So I figured it was time to find out where it came from.

I was thinking about it today when I saw someone pick their nose mere moments before shaking someone else’s hand. I realized that I would probably be a lot better off if I was a bit more ignorant of the nasty things people do.

You see… I’m a germaphobe. Not a little one, either. A big one.

They used to have a lot of fun with that when I worked at the hospital. In fact, my decision to work there was 70% interest in the field and 30% facing my fears. If you want to get over a fear of germs, there’s no better place to do it than a hospital. Have no doubt - I was presented with many an opportunity to confront those fears.

But it wasn’t just the normal happenings at the hospital that gave my co-workers the chance to push my buttons. They once covered my styrofoam cup of Mt. Dew with alcohol hand sanitizer. I didn’t know what the clear jelly-like substance all over my hand was when I went to take a drink. They would even tell patients that I was a germaphobe and recruit them to help mess with me. I came out of the nurse’s station on one occasion to find a patient standing there with a big grin on his face. When I asked him what was so funny he simple said “I just licked your pen”… and then walked away.

I won’t eat or drink after other people - even my own family. It irritates my mom. She’s fond of reminding me that I spent 9 months inside of her and therefore shouldn’t be too grossed out by simply sharing a drink. She knows it bugs me. Haha. I don’t like being touched by other people, especially people I don’t know. I’m not a big hugger. I won’t touch doorknobs unless I have to. I cringe when people sneeze or cough or rub their eyes. I’m hyper-sensitive to close proximities and I hate going into secondhand stores like Goodwill (you never know where that stuff has been!).

My observant nature has exposed the nasty, dirty things that people do: pick their noses… their butts… rub their eyes… put their fingers in their ears… lick things… *shudder*. I don’t have to see them do it in front of me to start thinking about when they did something like that last.

Am I the person getting to shake the hand right after they used it to dig in their butt?

I suppose my germaphobia is one part observation and two parts paranoia. A lot of it is fear of the unknown. There have been a couple of people in my life that I’ve been close enough to move past my dislike of being touched… and even a couple that I’ve shared a drink with (but the “drink” usually had more to do with that than anything else). And working at the hospital certainly helped me move in the right direction.

But I can’t help thinking that I over react a bit when it comes to germs. I guess I can take some comfort in the knowledge that I’m not as bad as Monk…

Posted in Personal

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